The verdict is out

My visa petition has been denied for the nth time. I have a boyfriend (or so I think) who has been offering to marry me (for a fee) for the longest time, but whenever I am at a major crossroads, suddenly experiences a sudden loss of memory. Where I will be in the next few weeks or months from now, and what my status will be then I cannot tell just now. Whatever it is I just hope and pray I will be strong enough to take on the strongest winds. My biggest struggle is just starting.